For Marshall

I fell in love for the first time on August 16, 2002. I think it was around 10:30 in the morning. That is when I first met my nephew, Marshall Daniel Mo Potter. I was the first person (other than his parents and the nurse) to hold him . . . and immediately I was head-over-heels in love. I never thought I could have such strong feelings for another person . . . is it because he is my only sister’s baby . . . because he is my first niece/nephew . . . because he is an angel? I think the latter.

All Marshall could do was “be”. He could be asleep, he could be awake, he could be hungry, he could be crying . . . he was what he was, and that was somehow peaceful to me . . . what I didn’t realize though, was how much he had to give. I never thought that someone so needy, as all babies are, could do so much, and fill so many hearts with love. We all found so much joy in Marshall, just being himself, doing nothing but filling the room with his special glow.

After spending the first week of his life with him and Laurie and Mark, I will never forget the day I left – August 24, 2002. I cried, boy did I cry. I cried the entire ride to the airport, I cried my entire flight, I cried for 3 days after that. I cried because my little angel nephew was going to grow up without me. I cried because I was going to miss his milestones. Marshall was going to be my special nephew – we were going to fly him to Atlanta for the World Series games (Sorry Red Sox fans!), he was going to be the big cousin that my own children learned from and looked up to, he was going to be my ring-bearer (we got one thing done – good job Marshall!), he was going to spend summers with us in Atlanta, being my Godchild he was going to get all of the coolest presents, I was going to be his “special, cool” Tante. I had it all planned out . . . and then God threw a wrench into our plans.

Beginning October 10, 2002, I cried even more than I did back in August. And I still cry – for different reasons now though. I cry because we are ALL going to miss those milestones, because the only milestones are the ones he is performing up in heaven. Marshall, I miss you and I love you and I wish you were here. I wish we could play, and I wish I could watch you play with your future cousins and siblings. I wish I could spoil you rotten - although I know who is already doing that - Memere Berube and Dad! You will always be my first nephew, and you will always be my special angel. Thank you for coming to share the most wonderful 4 months with us, filled with high highs and low lows – you sure did make it a rollercoaster ride!

And now how lucky are we?! We have our very own guardian angel. As difficult as it is, we have peace of mind knowing that Marshall will never suffer again. And how lucky is Marshall?! As for Marshall, he is having a blast. He doesn’t have to worry about pain or suffering, or getting kidnapped, or losing his loved ones, or growing up and worrying about the tensions in the Middle East, or if the quality of the environment will be okay for his own children. He can do just what a little boy is supposed to do . . . play and love. And I know he can run so fast and jump so high – things that SMA would never have let him do.

Marshall, you’d better visit your “special, cool” Tante a lot, you understand? Don’t leave us alone down here. (And don’t tell your Mom, but Tante sometimes has trouble realizing it is you – so make it real obvious, okay?)